I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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