I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
