This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
