drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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