i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we should paint friendship bongs
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