on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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