he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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