my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize