it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
