If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
