Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
