another moral hangover. fuck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
