It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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