Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize