Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
