Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
