The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
