I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
