Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
