She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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