FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
