Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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