Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
