I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
