I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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