I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
