My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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