We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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