If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
