a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
