hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
two words: eviction party
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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