Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
