yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize