I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
