Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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