those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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