In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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