Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
