I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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