just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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