would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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