No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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