By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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