YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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