after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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