apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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