Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
