the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
