Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
