He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
