this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
