Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
