ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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