ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
