Say something about gay babies.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
