True but thats because hes a fetus.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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