dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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