I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
