what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize