Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
