9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
