i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
