I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
