Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
