Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
