Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
