nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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