Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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