did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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